Some people spend their entire lives trying to figure out what they want to do… not Matt Kaye, my friend. He knew from a very early age what his calling was.
His dad didn’t have a lot of time to ‘entertain’ Matt, so he would often walk in, make sure he hadn’t put his head through the bars in the crib, leave him a small jar of apple butter (and three mini Trisquits), turn on his old 8-Tracks and just leave Matt to ‘entertain’ himself… and that he did.
Baby Matt would swish the apple butter around in his baby mouth and listen to the 8-Track click over and over and over to each new driving disco beat.
Matt knew in his baby head that there was a greater calling in store for him and it involved music. Then it it him- like Chris Brown’s fist to Rihanna’s face. He was going to start his own baby cover band version of the Village People. But where would he find other gay babies? And what would they call themselves? It had to be something clever… In The Baby? Close… he’d have to think about it some more…
Creating a baby Village People cover band was NOT going to be easy. That morning he decided to grow a giant baby mustache and he asked (demanded, really) that his father hoist him up and leave him on the closet shelf so he could put all the pieces together. Sometimes just getting a different perspective makes all the difference.
That realization was the greatest moment of Matt Kaye’s baby life, but it’d be years before Matt got the band together. During that time he tried on plenty of baby headdresses, regular baby dresses, baby culottes, baby construction hats, baby cowboy hats, baby clogs and a lot of baby oil. As great as those things felt on Matt’s smooth baby skin, he could never escape the feeling of power he felt as a gay baby bondaged biker. I mean, after all, who doesn’t love a baby in uniform?
Written by: Stirling Gardner
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