by Matt Kaye
What up, bitch?! My name is Stirling Gardner and I’m looking for someone real special to get my stank on with. (I just dangled TWO prepositions….KARATE CHOP TO THE NECK!!! KACHOW!!)
I’m real into German Architecture. (Mostly Gothic.) Freiburg Cathedral? Unreal, bitch. Cologne Cathedral?!? Twin spires?! That shit took 600 years to build, girl.. 6-fucking-00!!! I don’t care for the Jugensitl-Art Nouveau shit too much. (I just dissed form over function as a stylistic choice….ROUND-HOUSE KICK TO THE STERNUM!!! BA-BLANGO!!)
About me: I roller-skate like an asian girl on meth: all slinky and elusive. I like Costco cole slaw with black licorice bits mixed-in. Favorite movie? “The Bicycle Thief”. I watch that shit in the original Italian and imaginate the talk-parts. I like listening to circus music real loud while I punch holes in drywall panels. I need a special woman to scream and throw cranberry juice at me while I do this. (I just made myself vulnerable by conveying my needs as a man…FOREARM SLAM TO THE FEMUR BONE!! CHI-PYAAAAA!!!)
E-mail me your credentials. I don’t like dumb bitches.
Anonymous
mattkayeworld
