Hey, guys! It’s my friend, Matt Kaye and his ‘lady’, Penny!
I talked to Matt this morning on the phone and this is what he had to say about his Valentine’s Day.
“Yesterday, we got up at 4:30 in the morning, threw on some velour, our his and hers graduated tint lenses, went up to the top of Chestnut Hill and sat in our home-made “parrot blind”.
It took four hours, 36 Miller Lites, a half a bag of beef jerky and one handy before we saw our first parrot. He was green and hopping on the ground. It must’ve been the combination of Hi-Karate and Funyons that got this little guy out of the air, onto the ground and only a bayonet’s throw from our blind.
Penny lifted up the gun/bayonet combo I bought for her as a Valentine’s gift and aimed it right at the little fella… Ka-Blam! She knocked a pellet right up his bird ass. (I’m not sure she could’ve done it without the scope, but I’m not going to say anything). She stalked up behind him and rammed that bayonet into his spine.
We were both so excited we decided to go at it right there. Hell, my pants were down already. I bent her over the sputtering carcass and leaned into her with all my mustached might. The squeals coming out of that parrot were high-pitched and sexual if I do say so myself. The parrot gasped for one last breath and went straight for our eyes! Tricky bastard! Thank God for Lens Crafters!
I jerked one onto the part in Penny’s hair, we headed back to the trailer and I prepped the little guy for some taxidermy. A few hours later, he was dry and I took Penny for a celebratory dinner at TGI Fridays (I know, I know… I spoil her!).
We fell asleep in each other’s arms with this little guy watching us. It was magical.
Written by: Stirling Gardner
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